


Pink Panther Was Good, Fuck You.

by Smuppetsona (CarcharodonOrcinus)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blackrom, F/F, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:04:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarcharodonOrcinus/pseuds/Smuppetsona
Summary: Turns out Jane's gay and all it took for her to figure that out was for her to argue about the merits of the Pink Panther movie with a hot girl.





	Pink Panther Was Good, Fuck You.

“It is a HILARIOUS film with a THRILLING CRIME PLOT!” you yell. You don’t mean to, but she has your hackles raised, your feathers ruffled, your--your--oh, you don’t know! Fuck parallelism, you’re pissed.  
“1F 1T’S SO FUNNY, WHY 4R3 4LL TH3 D34THS SO BOR1NG? TH4T’S JUST B4D WR1T1NG.”  
“WHY WOULD ANYONE HAVE TO DIE?! YOU CAN HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD MOVIE WITH NO DEATHS INVOLVED!!! AND THE DEATHS THAT THEY DID WRITE SERVED THE PLOT WELL AND WERE VERY FUNNY!!!”  
“SOUNDS F4K3 BUT OK4Y.”  
You are so steamed! Pink Panther is a brilliant comedy that you thought you two could bond over. You like detectives, she likes detectives, and as the only two people who like detectives as much as you do, you should naturally be drawn to each other, right? WRONG.  
“How is that scene where they dress up as the curtains for camouflage not funny to you?”  
“1S TH4T WH4T TH4T W4S? 1T W4S H4RD TO SM3LL. TH3R3 ST1LL SHOULD’V3 B33N MOR3 D34THS. GORY ON3S.”  
Exasperated, you slap your face with your hand and drag it down.  
“Why?!”  
“HUM4NS H4V3 SUCH T4STY C4NDY BLOOD; WHY WOULDN’T YOU PUT 1T ON SCR33N? 1 C4N’T B3L31V3 1 HAV3 TO 3XPL41N SUCH A B4S1C CONC3PT.”  
“You are so incredibly strange, I can’t fucking stand it. I cannot do this.”  
You stand to leave and her demon smile, her evil little toothy grin, full of mischief and lies, cracks.  
“DON’T B3 L1K3 TH4T, W3 C4N W4TCH 4 DIFF3R3NT MOV13.”  
For a half-second, she looks sad. Like she wants to hang out with you, like she likes you and wants you around. But then that evil little grin resets itself.  
“You just want me around to toy with! Is that it?! You just want to get me all worked up like it's some game for you?!”  
“WH4T? NO. D3F1N1T3LY NOT.”  
You lean over, your lips millimeters from her ear so she hears the deadly severity of your voice when you tell her, “You will rue the day you decided to fuck with me, Miss Pyrope. Never shall you sit without again without the sound of a wet fart ripping from the whoopee cushion beneath you; never shall you pour neither salt nor sugar into any food or drink for fear it’s the wrong one; never shall you open a door without a pail of water tumbling down on top of you. Watch your step.”  
Smugly, you pull away, your point made. By the look of her, it’s been made a little too well--she looks like she might be ill, a sweaty sheen covers her flushed, grimacing face.  
“HOLY CR4P,” she says, “T4K3 M3 ON 4 D4T3 F1RST, M4YB3?!”  
Oh. Trolls have that ‘black romance’ thing. Oops. Now you’re the one with a flushed face.  
“I didn’t--I don’t mean it like--like a caliginous way, I just um, well, I meant I’m going to prank you for this!”  
She rises from her seat. Tall and wide, she cuts an intimidating figure when she towers over you. There’s more than a head of difference between you; if she were to get eye-level with you, she’d have to bend over. If you weren’t so flustered, you’d still want to knock her pointy teeth in, though.  
“TH3 3V1D3NC3 1S 4G41NST YOU, CROCK3R--HOW DO YOU PL34D?”  
She’s jinxed you, she must have with her mind powers, because now you can only think about her face in yours, and you take off her ridiculous glasses, throw them aside and kiss her.   
“1 S41D HOW DO YOU PL34D?”  
And now you’re in a courtroom and you’re hoisting her up on a table so she doesn’t have nearly as much of a height advantage on you, and you--You’ve got to stop this wild train of thought.   
“Not guilty?”  
“TH3 PROS3CUT1ON TH1NKS TH3 D3F3ND4NT 1S 4 L14R.”  
Your attempts to derail were only momentarily successful, as the ghosts of all the people killed on that train are now haunting you, and they want revenge. Terezi has such a raspy, gravelly voice, and you wonder what it would sound like smoothed out, like in a m--Okay! That thought is done! She is not getting into your head, no siree!  
“Sue me then.”  
“WH4T 1F 1 JUST K1SS YOU 1NST34D?”  
Holy shit.   
“You don’t have the stones.”  
“WH4T TH3 FUCK 4R3 STON3S?”  
“...Nevermind that. You still won’t kiss me I bet. In fact, I dare you to kiss me, because I know you won’t do it!”  
She leans down, cups your chin in her head, her claws gently poking you in the cheek, huffs hot breath in your face, making you close your eyes reflexively, and she licks your mouth.You heart feels like it’s going to explode as you swat her hand away from you and wipe your mouth.  
“What the hell is wrong with you?!”  
“YOU ST4RT3D TH1S, CROCK3R.”  
“The dare was to kiss me, not lick me!”  
“1 4CKNOWL3DG3 NO D4R3.”  
Once again, you are pissed. You reach up and grab her by the collar of her shirt, yanking her back down to your level. In a flurry, you whip her glasses off of her face and toss them on the couch.  
“H3Y--” she tries to protest.  
But then you finally kiss her. She feels like electricity, like fluttering in your stomach and goosebumps on your arms. You don’t know what you expected--sharpness, maybe for her mind games to stop, but you’re still imagining her on a courtroom table, and her lips are leathery, but soft against yours. After all this sudden build-up, now you didn’t expect it to end, but too soon she pulls away.  
You are already missing her.  
“YOU’R3 K1LL1NG MY B4CK, C4N W3 G3T ON TH3 COUCH?”  
“Yes, let’s!”

**Author's Note:**

> Not super polished, but I've been slacking on my fiction! I just needed to write some more and these two... They Are Always On My Mind.


End file.
